Fun with Professor Collins
by The 1000th Kiss
Summary: Collins pulls a little trick on his students. It's a mad attempt at humor. Completely random, don't know why I wrote it, but I did. Oneshot.


**So, this is a **_**really **_**random story that just popped into my head and I felt the need to write it. I don't know why, but I did. Yeah . . .**

**I own nothing. The Almighty Larson owns it all.**

Collins was actually excited about work today. Friday was not only the day before the weekend (which he didn't have to work on, thank God), but also his day to play a trick on his students. He did it every other week yet they didn't seem to catch on.

Today he decided to have some fun with random questions. After finishing up with his lesson he put his plan into action. He scanned the room for a victim.

"Phil," he said, smiling.

"Yes professor?" Phil said.

"Since we have time, I'd like to ask you a question."

"Okay."

"As regards philosophy, what is uncertainty?" Phil stared at him blankly. "Come on, Phil. If you give me the correct answer to my question, the class doesn't have to worry about that five page essay tonight. I might even forget about that pop quiz I was plannin' for tomorrow." The rest of the class was now staring at Phil. "No pressure."

"Um . . . could you repeat the question?" Phil asked.

"Sure, but this is the only time I'm gonna repeat it so pay attention," Collins said before clearing his throat. "As regards philosophy, what is uncertainty?"

"Uh . . . did you even teach us that?"

"Oh fine. I'll give you a simpler question." Collins thought for a moment. "Do you exist?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"A question you better answer within the next 10 minutes." Several people giggled.

"Yeah, I exist," Phil said.

"Oh really?" Collins challenged, folding his arms.

"Well . . . yeah. I'm here, right?"

"Yes, I know you're here, but do you exist?"

"Uh . . ."

"Do _I _exist?"

"I guess . . ."

"Think for a moment." Collins walked to the front of the classroom, jumped on his desk, and pointed to himself. "Do _I_ exist?" He pointed to Phil. "Do _you _exist?" He pointed to another one of his students. "Does _she _exist? Do any of us _really _exist?" He waited for an answer. "Who knows?"

"None of us know, professor," a student said.

"No," Collins said. "That's the answer."

"The answer is, who knows?" Phil asked.

"Exactly!" Collins exclaimed. "The truth is, some people claim to genuinely hold the view that only they exist and that everyone else is a projection or figment of their imagination. It's called solipsism."

"'Solipsism?'" another student repeated.

"Yes. It has the advantage of elevating you to god status within your own mini existence and perhaps also makes you infallible," Collins explained, with a huge grin on his face. "However, the figments will have a tendency not to be too pleased with you and, depending on how you act, might suspect you're mad and therefore incarcerate you."

"Are _you _mad, professor?" another random student asked, causing the class to laugh. Collins leaped off of his desk and landed right in front of the student who'd asked that question.

"I don't know, Evan," he replied, his eyes wide. "_Am _I?"

"Judging by the way you're staring at me . . . I think you _are_," Evan said.

"Good! You're finally grasping the concept of this class!"

"You _want _us to think you're mad?"

"No! I want you to think! That's what I'm teaching you!" Collins pointed practically ran to one of his students in the back of the classroom. "What's the concept of my class, George?"

"Uh . . . to think," George said, slightly frightened.

"YES!" Collins exclaimed. "Use your brains people! If someone asks you why, ask them 'why not?' Do you get it?" The entire class was silent. "Hello!? Am I teaching myself here!? ANSWER ME!" Collins grabbed Evan's hand and then Phil's and dragged them up to his desk.

"Professor? What're you doing?" Phil asked.

"Stand on my desk.," Collins told him and Evan.

"What?" Phil and Evan both said.

"Stand. On. My. Desk."

"Why?" Evan asked.

"I'm giving you permission to stand on my desk and you're asking _why_?" Collins asked in shock. Evan and Phil stood on Collins desk. "Great. Now repeat after me." Collins got up on his desk and yelled, "I'M HERE TO THINK!"

"Professor, do we-" Phil started.

"YES! DO IT!" Collins demanded. After his last student had stood on his desk and said, "I'm here to think," Collins sat in his chair and smiled at his class. "What did we learn today?"

"That you're insane," a student muttered. Collins slammed his fists down on his desk.

**"WHO SAID THAT!?" **he yelled. **"WHO'S STUPID ENOUGH TO CALL ME INSANE!?" **All eyes were then on George. "So, it was you. You think I'm insane, do you?" Collins was out of his chair and approaching George. "You think ol' Professor Collins has lost his mind, huh? Well, George," he picked up one of George's books and threw it on the ground, "you're absolutely right! Who else thinks I'm insane? Come on! Don't be shy. Tell the truth! Raise your hand if you think I'm insane!"

Every single person in the room raised their hand and Collins' mood shifted quickly.

"I'm _so _hurt," he said, pretending to cry. "How could you? How could all of you think that I'm . . . insane?"

"But you just said that-" Evan started.

"FORGET WHAT I SAID!" Collins interrupted. "You're all so . . . mean! I QUIT!" Collins stormed back to his desk and started gathering random papers and stuffing them into his briefcase.

"Professor-" a student tried.

"NO! My mind's made up! I QUIT TEACHING! **FOREVER!**" Collins said, storming out of the classroom leaving his students stunned.

Collins laughed the entire walk home, anticipating re-telling the story of what happened in class today to Angel.

**Told ya it was random. Review please.**


End file.
